A Few Good Friends

I did not grow up with a best friend or experience the type of bonding childhood shenanigans depicted in films such as Stand By Me or The Sandlot. And it bothered me for a very long time. Despite being liked in school and moving easily between groups of people, I felt very isolated. I struggled with depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. I struggled with the reality that life was nothing like the novels I enjoyed reading.

When I reached my lowest point, I knew that only I could affect how I interacted with the world and how I felt about myself. It wasn't an easy thing, or a quick thing. Something that helped me especially was deciding to view everything as a possible adventure. It was like writing the book of my life, and I wanted to ensure there were exciting chapters worth reading.

I was lucky enough to connect with a few great people in high school; the type of people I consider family, who I will love and cherish for the rest of my life. I also (finally) found my best friend, that part of me that seemed to be missing, in college. I had waited so long for that feeling of connection, of knowing another person before even meeting them. I discovered that it exists. It is real. I just needed the patience.

When you find people who make your life better, more enjoyable, easier to manage, spending time with them can be a type of catharsis. And it can help reaffirm that you are worthwhile, especially during times when you can't muster that feeling yourself.

Hold on to the people and the experiences that make you happy, that remind you who you can be.

Date Night, 2008

        A collection of happy memories, featuring Cole!

A celebration of the highest order, 2018

Lakewood Park (2009)

Chautauqua Lake (2012)

Ohio Pinball Show (2017)

You can see more photos from our impromptu adventures in my collection Adventures with Cole.

Voices in my Mind

There is a squirrel hanging by its feet in the tree outside my window. It is adorable and distracting. Artemis is completely unfazed. She supports the squirrel army and intends to employ them in her war against birds; especially blackbirds and mourning doves. #AdventuresofArtemis #GoddessoftheHunt

In other news, the writer's block struggle is real. I'm actively stopping myself from switching between projects, because Project A has actual deadlines and needs to be finished. But it is so difficult! I was in a great headspace to complete the necessary chapter on Tuesday, full of excitement and drive. It was going so well! And then I completely lost the tone of the chapter in the final sentences. So frustrating. I wanted to be done, done, done and send it off for review. Instead I've been staring at just those sentences for the past two days, willing them to morph into more suitable phrases. There are groups of chapters that contain the same style, so I'm going to move forward and hope I regain the necessary voice in my mind. That's how I write - I internalize it.

With a cast of characters this sometimes manifests as me talking to myself out loud, having full conversations with actual emotions. Writing tool, or dissociative identity disorder? Discuss amongst yourselves.

For the scene I'm working on, I need to inhabit two very different personalities simultaneously. The dialogue needs to be perfect. I'm not sure I'll ever be satisfied, so I rely on my reviewers to tell me when it's good enough and appropriately conveys what I'm attempting. Good editors and reviewers are an absolute must!

The Missouri Adventure

Throwback Thursday to the year I ran away from home (as an adult) and lived in Missouri.

Mistakes were made. Visiting the St. Louis Zoo, Shaw Nature Reserve, and Lone Elk Park were not among them.

The Saint Louis Zoo is my absolute favorite zoo to visit. I walked seven (7) miles one way to spend the day walking around the entire zoo, then walked those seven (7) miles back home. It was worth all the pain, and I'd do it again.

See (so many) more photos from the zoo in my album Saint Louis Zoo (2009)

Shaw Nature Reserve "strives to inspire responsible stewardship of our environment through education, restoration and protection of natural habitats and public enjoyment of the natural world." The trails were lovely, and visiting reminded me of the Cleveland Metroparks.

See more photos from the nature walk in my album

Shaw Nature Reserve (2009)

Lone Elk Park was certainly an experience!

See more photos from the park in my album

Lone Elk Park (2009 | 2010)

My To-Be-Read Pile is Overwhelming

A Dance with Dragons; Rafael; Pandora's Star; Rust; Dead Witch Walking; Strangewood. These are but a sampling of the dozen-or-so books scattered prominently on my shelf, my side table, my headboard, waiting to be finished.

And yet, yesterday, I bought a new book and read it immediately.

To be fair, it wasn't an entire book. I read a particular series by an author. I've invested years in this series; even as the author's style has changed in a way that I don't especially enjoy, I'm still very much invested in the characters and their growth and curious as to what will develop next. I began collecting the books in high school and I have a nice progression of cover art through the different publishers, paperbacks, and hard covers. I pay brand-new-book prices when a new title is released, I'm so eager to read the next installment.

This author also writes shorts within their larger story world, which are then included in collections with works by other authors. Some of these collections are even specific to certain retailers.

If I were an author whose work was included in a collection that prominently featured the name of a well-known author (thereby leading someone to purchase said collection when they wouldn't otherwise purchase my stand-alone work), I would probably be thrilled. Maybe that person would read every story in the collection, and enjoy mine, and feel prompted to seek out my other works. That would be excellent!

As a reader of a specific series, this drives me crazy. Mostly because at one point, years ago, one of the 'regular' books in the series referenced something that happened in one of the shorts...Which I hadn't read, because I hadn't thought these one-off stories would impact the greater arc. I was wrong. Yes, explanations are given to catch-up the reader if they haven't read the shorts, but the details within those shorts are important! Since that revelation, I have begrudgingly purchased collections containing these shorts, only for these shorts, because I don't want to miss anything in this story world.

That is how I found myself standing in a bookstore, purchasing yet another book. The author's name called to me from the front cover, announcing that within this collection resided a short story taking place within the world of the author's larger series. I didn't want to buy it; I had been lamenting to Sasquatch about my overwhelming to-be-read pile earlier in the day. But I flipped to the story and the opening lines did their job. I absolutely needed to know what happened. I read half the story while standing in the bookstore arguing with myself. Ultimately I purchased the collection; those authors deserve the sales.

I finished reading the story as soon as I got home. And I'm glad I did. Things occurred in that short story that will definitely impact the series, and I cannot wait to see how it unfolds. Eventually I'll pick up the book again and read the other tales within the collection, but for now it is tucked on my bookshelf as a far-in-the-future endeavor. Because right now I'm just not devouring books at a reliable pace. Sometimes I feel sad about that, knowing the worlds that are waiting for me to dive in and enjoy them. But the books will be there when I'm ready, when I have the time and energy and focus. That's the fantastic thing about books.

What's on your to-read list?

On the Road is How I Relax

However you spend your day (or the day spends you), it is recommended that people take at least 30 minutes for their well-being to do an activity that they enjoy. That doesn't sound like much time in the grand scheme, but sometimes it can be impossible to find those 30 minutes in a given day.

Lucky for me, driving is an activity I thoroughly enjoy. Even when I'm travelling somewhere new or crowded and my anxiety spikes and frustration has me growling at other drivers. My car is my safe space. It was my love of travel that begot my love of driving, not the other way around; but the end result of road-trip relaxation is the same. When all I have is 30 minutes to relax, I'll often reach for a more immediate activity such as yoga or reading or listening to music, that requires zero prep and can be abandoned without too much fuss as adulting calls me back to the world. But when I've got the time, or the need, I pick a direction and drive.

Sometimes I wind up on the side of the road in a different state, completely lost and loving it.

Lost in Illinois (2010)

Sometimes I find myself at the border to another country, experiencing firsthand nature's awesome beauty and power.

Niagara Falls, NY (2012)

And sometimes I find something fun in an area I'd thought totally explored. [Ghostly Manor Thrill Center]

Ghostly Manor Thrill Center (2013)

Whatever it is that helps you recharge, do it today. Do it now! Trust me ;) 

What Makes a Villain?

Motivation. The answer to everything character-driven. The equivalent of the number 42. Problem solved; the end.

Creating a proper villain is something I struggle with, because no defining experience or motivation ever seems 'bad enough' to me. And the level of relatability I want depends on the story, the character, and the emotions I want to convey to readers.

I have an easier time when writing fantasy, within a wholly-constructed world I've built, because I can go wild with scenarios. There's a suspension of belief inherent in such stories that allows for some real deep-delving madness. You don't necessarily need to understand the villain to accept them as such. As opposed to, say, a story set in real-world present day, where part of the fear is how real and relatable a villain can be. I don't want any of my characters to appear 'cookie-cutter' ever, but I especially worry about my villains because so much hinges on them. Without an appropriately matched and scary villain, the hero falls flat.

Part of the great joy of writing (at least for me) is getting to assume the role of so many different characters. Each has a little piece of me, tapping into some experience to find the emotion and motivation I need to make that character compelling. Maybe I spend too much time thinking about heroes and villains, their motivations, how they are perceived. How they are so very similar.

There was a movie many years ago that was so full of suspense and fear, when I saw it in theaters, it had the audience deathly silent throughout the runtime. At the end, there was a collective exhale as though we had all forgotten to breathe. The movie felt innovative and shocking, both in content and in its villain. But the best part to me was the opening scene: the villain was hidden in plain view. At the end, after the surprising reveal, my seat-mate turned and asked me how I'd knew. Feeling a mix of pride and unease, I answered, Because it's what I would do.

Need a bit of help constructing your villain? Check out the articles below and always remember Willem Dafoe's wise words: There's no difference between playing heroes and villains; they all think they're righteous.

* What Makes a Good Villain? Your Checklist for Writing a Good Bad Guy

* How to Create a Villain Readers Won't Forget: 6 Tips

* 8 Villain Archetypes: How to Write Different Types of Villains

Cleveland Metroparks Zoo

As a child, my parents were always taking me to Cleveland Metroparks Zoo. It felt like the biggest, most amazing place on earth to tiny me. I was and am absolutely fascinated by animals of all varieties. As curious as I am about people's motives (generally, and as a writer), I have the same interest in animal behavior. I want to know the 'why' of things.

As a teenager, I spent my summers volunteering with the Zoo Crew. I'd ride my bicycle early to work in the mornings, enter with confidence through a side gate, and lie with the red and western grey kangaroos for their morning sunbathe. I was already studying animal biology and behavior in high school, and I brought that knowledge to work with me. My supervisors and the keepers took note, and I will forever be grateful for their mentorship. The experience I gained as a volunteer was incredible, from specialized animal handling to detailed animal enrichment. My first year was 2000, when the Australian Adventure exhibit opened. I was part of the volunteer launch team, hosting story time, performing puppet shows and face painting, and appearing in character costumes. It was a brutal summer; some of those activities were discontinued due to the overwhelming heat. Once established, I supervised the barnyard animals and petting zoo activities, performed animal handling shows, and assisted the keepers as needed. By the time I aged out of the Zoo Crew program, I was treated as an authority within the exhibit.

My time as a volunteer also allowed me opportunities to interact with animals elsewhere in the zoo. One of my favorite experiences was playing fetch with black rhino baby Azizi in 2001. She loved chasing that red rubber dog toy!

I still love visiting the zoo, but the Australian Adventure exhibit feels bittersweet. The majority of the animals I worked with are no longer there. The barnyard goats that I trained have all grown up and moved on. The kangaroos I interacted with were selected for breeding programs and shipped out. The emu with whom I used to race lived out its life. Entering the exhibit feels like stepping back in time for me, but it's missing all the cohorts that made that part of my life so enjoyable.

You can see more photos from the zoo in my Cleveland Metroparks Zoo (2010) album.

Writing to Music

I love music, in all its forms. I certainly have my preferences as to genres, artists, sounds, musical stylings. My CD collection is an eclectic mix ranging from digeridoo sounds for meditations to doo-wop to alternative rock and metal. I have something for just about every situation and scenario. I listen to music while driving, while in the shower, while performing household chores, and while sleeping. These are all moments when my mind is relaxed and free to create.

Yet I've never been one to listen to music while writing. I find it distracting. Even tones meant to soothe or just provide background sound irritate me to an unreasonable level. When I'm writing, I'm focused. On the story, the worldbuilding, the character creation. Anything, any sound, interrupts that focus. I do find inspiration in music in all those other situations, that I then bring to my writing space later. But listening while writing is an absolute no-go for me.

I tried listening to music while writing this post. I was curious about the playlists that exist, the music that writers and other creatives have curated to keep them engaged and in the necessary mindset while working on specific projects. I'm having a rough go with the second part of Sons and Daughters of Olek, and wondered if the right bit of music might unlock something for me. A Google search brought me to a website full of playlists, organized for authors by the genre they were writing. I selected the first science-fiction playlist...and immediately regretted my decision. It was definitely not to my taste, for the writing exercise and in general. I can only compare it to the melodious shrieking and tinkering sounds of a local band whose full set I once sat through, doggedly determined to support, while both my head and my whiskey glass throbbed and threatened to shatter.

But I see authors on social media posting about the albums or playlists they are/were listening to while writing a particular work. So, I'm curious...Do you listen to music while you create? And do you play something you know, or do you seek something new? Do you listen to vocals and maybe sing along? Do you need atmospheric sounds? Do you listen to the same playlist over and over during a project?

Let me know in the comments!