A friend and I (we'll call her Cole) this week were discussing our writing styles and the hurdles we're facing in making progress on our projects. Cole writes nonfiction and has an agent, whereas I write fiction and represent myself; so there are distinct situational differences. But what we found is that we have generally similar approaches to our writing, and that both of us struggle with our personal metrics.
What I mean is, writing isn't just actively writing the book. Both Cole and I tend to measure productivity and judge ourselves based upon quantifiable data such as words written, chapters completed, etc. Metrics like these are easy to point to and evaluate. Some writers and community sites give advice toward metrics such as these, to help other writers stay on track. And that can work. Holding myself to a measurable output - in terms of words written per chapter, and chapters completed each week - helped me finish Part I: Labor (Sons and Daughters of Olek).
However, I was actively trying something different while writing that story. The process I used was not / is not my norm. And now that I am writing full-time, working on my own projects and accountable only to myself, I'm learning that my 'norm' is neither great nor sustainable.
I've learned two very important things about myself and my work style:
1) I try to do too much at once;
2) I need to reevaluate how I measure my work output.
These two realizations are connected. Both involve setting reasonable goals.
When I launched into my new situation as full-time writer with the fervor of a childhood dream come to fruition, I was trying to set too ambitious of goals and do too much at once. That was tough to acknowledge. I am a person who prefers to work alone and do everything herself. When I was in a traditional leadership role, I had to learn to delegate and trust my team. On my own, I had to learn to prioritize and then stick to only what was on my list. I had to adjust my own thinking and believe it was okay to not work on those other tasks. Everything doesn't need to be done at once, and in fact cannot be done well when my focus is split in so many directions.
This is a tricky thing for me to manage, because I can absolutely lose motivation and let myself slide on deadlines when it's only me that I'm disappointing. A factor that muddies this further is that I was recently diagnosed with an auto-immune disease. I began experiencing symptoms in 2019; by the time I realized how serious my condition might be, I was without health care and suffering from fatigue and progressive physical damage. In the midst of my new and exciting writer!life, I was falling short of my goals and had to cut myself some slack. Now as I work to get things under control, I have to learn the difference between when I truly need rest for the disease and when I'm just not feeling particularly motivated. I love being organized, so I make color-coded lists to keep myself on-task; things to accomplish that day or that week or that month. There are definitely days when I worry I am not doing enough and not holding myself accountable. But I am trying, and I do see a difference in my behavior. It's all part of this learning experience for me.
I also had to recognize and accept that my writing process is different from others' (and all that well-intentioned advice I've read), that I don't (yet) have a template to success, and that I needed to change my own approach. This is still difficult for me. I'm actively working on retraining my thought processes and how I evaluate my work output.
There are other aspects to writing that I have realized are just as important and valid, and that I need to allow myself to perform as part of the work. For example, storyboarding. I never did this in the past. The story just evolved as I wrote it, through numerous drafts. Now that I schedule time to storyboard and collect / organize my ideas, I'm finding how useful it is to me. I notice patterns in my writing and characterizations, and I can elect to keep or adjust them. I can choose a specific story progression to influence how I present material. I can plan, without losing the magic I feel about the story. Basically, anything I accomplish toward a story 'counts' as work. Whether I need time to research space travel or peruse forums debating superpowers or study medieval textiles and cultural weaponry, all of that accumulates toward a rich story. Which is what I hope to write.
Overall, I've learned I need to give myself space to create, without putting so much pressure on myself. I've found that I have productive hours that are fairly consistent each day, but I need to change up my tasks so I'm not doing the exact same thing every day. If I cycle, work on A on Monday, B on Tuesday, etc., I'm more likely to meet the goals I set for myself that week. I also don't structure those hours so strictly anymore. I can enjoy a spontaneous moment, step away from the writing process without abandoning the creative process.
I'm still not where I want to be as far as projects completed. I'm behind schedule and struggling with a few plot points. I feel really bad about this; I feel anxiety about not producing material at a quicker, more reliable pace. It is something I want to be better about, and I'm hoping all that I am learning through this endeavor is angling me in that direction, positioning me to better manage myself.
One of the worst things I've ever done is compare myself to others. Whether it's another writer's process or a friend's life milestone, I usually feel I'm falling short of achieving something that is expected. I am constantly reminding myself that I do not need nor should I look for the approval of others to guide my path. The only way I can truly fail is if I give up creating and writing. That's a pretty empowering thought.
